Crushes

Aren't crushes a funny thing? They're something we never grow out of. Well, if you do, I haven't.

Here's a non-exhaustive list of my crushes circa 1996-2007.

1

This crush lasted pretty much all of primary school – from approximately Grade 3 to Grade 6, and then for a time in high school. She was so out of my league, nothing ever could or would have happened.

She was everything I thought I liked; intelligent, athletic, could make me laugh, a leader. If you circle back and read the ‘Truly, Madly, Deeply’ post, she was one of the co-creators of ‘Little Jonny Taylor'. A musical genius, also.

She was Italian, and I wanted to impress her so badly. Did I? Absolutely not. I tried to impress her dad at a Grade 6 event, but this was also a failure.

We’ve stayed firm friends since those primary school days. We played tennis with each other throughout high school and see each other at the beach every summer. We discuss those who we went to school with and where they are now – marriages, kids, divorces. We have none of those three.

I think I’ll always be slightly smitten with her.

2

I met this girl in 1999 on orientation day for our class. It was an odd day. We were the only new class at the school as I’m pretty sure they wanted to keep us “safe”. Why did we need to be kept safe?

She wore navy blue basketball shorts (they matched her eyes) and had her hair slicked back in a ponytail. She was perennially tanned. I was instantly in love.

After the day had finished and we were about to go our separate ways, I said goodbye to her rather earnestly, making sure to use her name. She returned the farewell but didn’t use my name. My impact obviously wasn’t great enough.

We returned in January and all of those orientation day feelings came rushing back. I tried my best to sit next to her in as many classes as I could, but she was far too cool for me. It wasn’t until the second semester of that year when I saw her in full flight in the Drama classroom. Holy moly. Talk about infatuated.

We played volleyball throughout our high school years and shared a love of performing. This is where I would finally impress her and make an impact. I didn’t.

I think she may have had a couple of boyfriends throughout high school, and they were always handsome. I was nowhere near their level.

I spent Drama and study periods with her in Year 12 and we became closer. She performed in ‘Tom and Nicole: Broken Dreams – An Absurdist Musical’ in Year 11, and ‘The 25th Annual School Performance for a Selected Audience – A Musical in One Act’ in Year 12. Her character of Verna, the school cleaner, was improvisation at its finest. This hilarity only fed the infatuation.

She was incredibly talented and always manages to make me smile whenever I see or speak to her.

3

Funnily enough, I heard from this crush out of the blue this week. Serendipity at its finest.

This crush was fleeting, but intense, nonetheless. It began in Year 11 and finished in Year 12. We really didn’t have all too much in common, and in hindsight, I was totally trying to ship us way too hard.

We were in the same classes from Years 7 to 10 and maybe the distance in Years 11 and 12 is what made me pine for her. She was incredibly quiet and unassuming but was the most terrific artist.

However, she was an Island girl, so this was never going to happen. I mean, she went to Cowes Primary… it wasn’t meant to be. I’m fairly certain she had a boyfriend during the time of my crush, and now they’re married.

In Year 12, I had one of my study blocks with one of her good friends. If I made an impression on her, perhaps she’d pass on the word and she would fall for me, right?

I can remember telling some boys who I went on a camp with that I liked her, but I’m fairly certain this was a weak attempt to cover up my actual feelings of being attracted to them.

The brain does weird things.

4

This one bubbled and boiled for years, but I would never and could never do anything about it. I knew her since kindergarten. She moved from her old primary school to mine in Grade Two and we instantly connected. Well, I thought we did.

I was always in awe of her through primary school. At the age of 11 she could hold genuine conversations AND rattle off monologues from Dawson’s Creek. As the theme song says, ‘I don’t wanna wait for our lives to be over. I want to know right now who will it be.’ If you could have told me in Grade Six that would have been great. If you could tell me 21 YEARS LATER THAT WOULD ALSO BE NICE, PLEASE.

Even though we were in many of the same classes in high school, we didn’t have too much to do with each other. She was incredibly popular and seemed to push all the barriers. I think she was just so intelligent and could think so deeply that she was bored with many situations.

When it got to Year 12, she was incredibly focused and seemed to smash everything out of the park. I was so enamoured with her. During those summer holidays we became closer, but I still knew that nothing would happen. My best friend then informed me that they had kissed. I’m sure I was meant to feel anger or jealousy or something, but I just didn’t. I think I was starting to understand who I was.

There was, and still is, something so unbelievably magical about this human.

5

This was a talent crush, and then she became one of my best friends. I first saw her perform a skit when she was in Year 9 and I was in Year 10. How did I not know of her until then? She performed in our final school play, and then we did a few shows together after high school.

Although she was engaged, I thought that I’d still be able to marry her. We became super close. A few years later and I travelled to Thailand for her wedding (different fiancée), and a few years after that I surprised her by turning up at her work on the other side of the world. I tried to surprise her again last year, but her stupid, gorgeous child decided to be born the day of my arrival. Rude.

6

My final female crush is what pushed me over the edge. I told this one, and looking back on it, it was a hilarious move.

I’m fairly certain it happened over MSN Messenger, and then I had to see her the next day at university. I’m fairly certain she was as confused about the whole situation as I was.

The feelings passed quickly and then I started to realise who I was. We performed in a couple of things together at university; I made her wear a chicken suit, we wore plastic bags and peeled potatoes, and we also smeared cakes and cream over each other to make a statement about capitalism… or something.

We're quite close now, and she's married.

Anyway, those were my crushes from 1996-2007, a real formative 11 years. It’s not an exhaustive list. If I’ve written about you and you now realise you have feelings for me, IT’S TOO LATE! If I didn’t write about you and you are hurt, I apologise.