Socks first
- Bill
- Jun 18
- 3 min read
In 2018, I ran an Instagram poll. The question wasn’t political, nor was it especially clever. Just this:
What do you put on first: pants or socks?
It was supposed to be a bit of fun. A break from the endless stream of brunch shots, travel envy, and memes about being tired. I didn’t even use either of those video filters. You know the ones? The first zoomed in lovingly on whatever you wanted it to, and the second was the techno rave that doofed. I assumed there’d be a clear winner. There wasn’t.
55% of people said pants. 45% said socks.
But here’s the thing: socks first is not a lifestyle choice. It is objectively correct.
Do you want a process map on how to dress efficiently? You got it.
When I shared this belief, gently and warmly, with a twinkle in my eye, and as a knowingly efficient dresser, things turned. Not gradually. Not politely. But instantly, and with force.
I was flooded with messages. Some supportive, yes. But others were... less so.
“Typical Collingwood supporter thing to do."
“Get FARKED.”
“This is disgusting.”
“You’re a freak and we can no longer be friends.”
“Because you’re monsters. Stop this nonsense uprising.”
“You should be embarrassed.”
“Oh, I beg to differ. Unless you wear those silly sock suspenders.”
"wtf."
And my personal favourite:
“Put a sock in it, will ya?”
You want proof? Here you go…
I had, apparently, touched a nerve. A tender, exposed one. Probably because they hadn’t put socks on first, and the sock legs were collecting somewhere near their ankles. Diabolical.
And yet, despite the outrage, some quietly slid into my DMs or posted in solidarity to confess that they, too, were sock-first. Isn’t that something?
People were ashamed to admit how they put on their clothes. Ashamed… to share the order in which they dress. Not because it was unhygienic. Not because it was criminal. But because the loud pants-first dressers drowned out their voices.
And that’s when it hit me: this wasn’t about socks. It never was.
This was about conformity. Let’s be honest, wearing socks after pants is not only inefficient but also wildly impractical. Pant cuffs scrunch. Sometimes you unwillingly reveal calf, which is deeply distressing in winter. If you don't pull your pant leg up enough, you won't get maximum elasticity from your sock.
It’s the dressing equivalent of trying to hang a picture frame after the wall’s already fallen down.
Socks first makes sense. It’s smooth, elegant, and foundational. Like preheating the oven. But try telling people that, and you’ll be scorned as a witch.
This is how it works. The majority picks the path, and the rest of us either fall in line or become punching bags.
And the sad thing is: most people will choose to fall in line, even if it makes their morning harder. Even if they end up with a cold ankle. I couldn’t think of anything worse.
So here’s what I want to say to the sock-first crowd: You’re not alone. You are, in fact, doing it right. See the process map.
And I know, it’s just socks. But it’s also not.
It’s the feeling of knowing something works for you, even if the loud ones disagree. It’s about backing yourself in the smallest of rituals.
In a world that’s obsessed with performance, conformity, and rushing out the door, putting on your socks first is a quiet act of rebellion. It says: I honour my process.
And if we can be honest about how we get dressed, perhaps we can also be honest about other aspects of our lives.
The tiny ways we mask ourselves. The rituals we perform just to keep the peace. The ways we abandon what makes sense for what makes us fit in.
So no, I won’t “put a sock in it.”
But I will keep putting my socks on first. And if you do too, welcome.
This is your club.
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