Cats - my honest review

This won’t be the easiest thing to read, but I have so many feelings that I can’t condense them into a clear piece.

I’m not enamoured with the domestic cat. I’ve never found them as affable as dogs. And as we all know, a cat is not a dog.

So, I went to see ‘Cats’ with my friend Gemma on Friday January 3 as a ‘Welcome to 2020. Your year is going to be brilliant’ kind of present. We had discussed how it had been canned by film critics and the general population, so we knew we had to see for ourselves how truly appalling it was.

We arrived at the Wonthaggi Cinema at 9:45 am with our almond lattes, ready to take in this cinematic masterpiece. As we approached the box office, we could tell something was wrong. The couple in front of us had been turned away and we heard a “sorry” uttered from the mouth of the ticket seller. We stepped forward to buy tickets and we were told that they were showing the children’s animated movie ‘Cats’ not the movie-musical version of the same name. Gutted. Wonthaggi would have to wait until February to witness this marvel.

We didn’t stay for the animated ‘Cats’, instead we planned to see it at Nova a week later. Unfortunately, Nova wasn’t showing ‘Cats’ either. I kind of resigned myself to the fact that I may not get to see it until it was released on DVD.

However, my fears were allayed, and I finally got to see it on Monday night. The 18-seat theatre at The Palace in Balwyn was the venue and I THOROUGHLY ENJOYED THE EXPERIENCE.

The overwhelming sentiment of this post is that I think ‘Cats’ is great, and you really need to see it for yourself to have an opinion.

So many people seem to find the plot of ‘Cats’ confusing, but I really don’t know why. It’s about a bunch of cats trying to be chosen as the one to go to the ‘Heaviside Layer’ to start a new life. It’s pretty fucking simple. What about ‘A Chorus Line’ – do people find that confusing? They are dancers on a line all telling their story to be chosen for a show. Zac states that he wants “four boys and four girls”, and then at the end they all enter the stage and dance and sing, even the ones who get cut. I think ‘Cats’ is super similar.

I can name several more musicals that are more confusing than ‘Cats’. Here are a few:

- Les Misérables

- Miss Saigon

- Rent

- Aspects of Love

- City of Angels

I could go on forever, but this isn’t about other musicals – this is about the marvel that is ‘Cats’.

‘Cats’ is glorious.

We suspend disbelief in the theatre all the time – why can’t we do this with cinema? Of course, they aren’t going to look exactly like cats, but is that what you truly expected? Do you laugh at performers in the stage version of ‘Cats’ who wear Lycra bodysuits and have their faces painted to look like cats? Not to mention them moving about in feline fashion whilst licking themselves. If you can get over it on the stage, you can get over it in the movie.

I spoke in depth with my housemate about having a point of reference and used other films that employ CGI and examples. Did we laugh at the dinosaurs in ‘Jurassic Park’? Did we laugh at the Na’vi in ‘Avatar’? Did we laugh at the aliens in ‘District 9’? No, because we didn’t necessarily have a point of reference. Cats are animals that we see, we know what they look like. Honestly, who would want to see an actual cat singing and dancing. That would not be enjoyable.

Anyway, back to the movie. I could talk in detail about the plot, but I won’t. Because THE PLOT OF CATS IS SIMPLE. Instead, I’ll give a brief opinion of the musical numbers.

Overture – good. Victoria was literally ‘thrown’ into the film after being abandoned by her owner. Not the nicest way to open a movie. But Hooper is making a point. Animals are abandoned all the time, and this is not a good thing.

Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats – always going to be good. Don’t argue. Hip hop section/’unce unce’ music is not my jam, but I can look past it.

The Old Gumbie Cat – see below.

The Rum Tum Tugger – I can see the appeal of casting Jason Derulo in this role, and he was fine. Can you remember that scandalous Insta photo of him last year? Too much Rebel in this number.

Grizabella: The Glamour Cat – again fine. This number isn’t meant to set the screen alight. It was what it was.

Bustopher Jones: The Cat About Town – see below.

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer – entertaining. Liked the concept.

Old Deuteronomy – good. Dench made me tear up. Love Old Deut played by a woman, because why not?

Jellicle Ball – good, but I wanted more dancing. Didn’t necessarily care for the two cats wearing Timberlands.

Memory/Beautiful Ghosts – yep, beautiful. Good connection between Griz and Victoria.

The Moments of Happiness – fine.

Gus: The Theatre Cat – see below.

Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat – see below.

Macavity: The Mystery Cat – T-Swift was fine. Loved that she came down on the moon in a kitten heel. Idris Alba is sexy.

Mr Mistofelees – great, but missed the dancing.

Memory – stunning.

The Journey to the Heaviside Layer – brilliant.

Finale/The Ad-Dressing of the Cats – people need to stop mocking this because Dench was great.

A few highlights and lowlights:

‘Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat’ is one of Lloyd-Webber’s greatest compositions. The introduction and chorus are in 13/8 time (what the eff?) and it is a genuinely superb piece of music. Steven McRae (an Australian) portrays Skimbleshanks in the film and he bloody tears up the screen. When it is next performed on stage, I expect it to be a tap number.

Munkustrap is played by the inimitable Robbie Fairchild. He was stunning in ‘An American in Paris’ so I knew I’d enjoy him in this. JHud as Grizabella was great – sang great, acted well, rode that balloon with class. Sir Ian slayed as Gus, but I couldn’t really understand him.

Rebel Wilson and James Corden were not great. There. That’s my let down. It’s like Hooper said to both of them, “Alright, I want you to ad-lib and we won’t edit anything out no matter how basic it is. Also, Rebel, portray Jennyanydots like every other character you’ve ever played. James, I want you to play Bustopher Jones like a teenager who has played all the character roles in his mediocre high school musicals and this is their final show. Be just OK.”

I found myself on the verge of tears on multiple occasions. These were them:

- Three times in Mr. Mistofelees – Eddie Redmayne was quite splendid. Although I did miss him dancing. But I guess that’s what Tom Hooper wanted to do – move our expectation away from what those who know the show are accustomed to.

- The introduction of Old Deuteronomy. Dench is a classic.

- When Griz had been chosen by Old Deut to head “up, up, up past the Russell Hotel. Up, up above to the Heaviside Layer”.

- The Jellicle Ball – needed more dancing.

Honestly, ‘Cats’ is brilliant. They made some clever and necessary choices to cut some numbers that go forever in the stage version.

‘Cats’ is about love.

‘Cats’ is about empathy.

‘Cats’ is about acceptance.

Go and see it.